The questions never end, like the busy street full of cars that zoom by, but a deep knowing has been gifted to me. As I layer together the practice canvas, seeing what colours push eachother further, what collage pieces work where and take the time to let my mind process it all, I'm trying not to rush. For I know in my heart that I have been commissioned to create. Discernment is needed still.
- How detailed do I want the tilapia to be?
- How many painted elements verses how many collage elements?
- What should I keep hidden verses what will be exposed in the end?
I can feel myself quickly become overwhelmed by thoughts that I must take captive. Thoughts like, 'I've never done something quite like this, what am I doing?' 'what will people think?' 'I can't actually paint' 'this seems scattered' 'this is unhinged' etc. Each time something like this crosses my mind, I'm practicing taking it to the Lord. He has been so gentle with me, responding to me with reminders to do one small act of creativity a day. He keeps reminding me that little actions will all add up. My job right now is to trust that this is a process and also, that the Lord is with me each small action step at a time.
To showcase the foundations of a practice canvas is to expose the inner workings of my mind, where whimsy is let loose and childlike wonder has just returned in the last year. It's a soft place where work is play and creativity keeps expanding with each new day. Along side the Lord's cultivating in my mind, I'm yearning for the fruit of this art practice. But, for now He's asking me to take it slow and abide in him. To showcase these photos publically, of something so far from finished is exposing and raw.
Green Lake, paths covered in snow and a scandinavian Airbnb was the backdrop of a little weekend away, just my sisters, mom and I. Amongst the many talking points that were discussed, we had some wonderful conversations around mental health, CBT and how it takes effort to train the mind. I was reminded and shared with them an anecdote from Louie Giglio. He said, "Imagine your thoughts are like cars, you've got to train your mind to be like a toll booth, where you stop each car/thought and then decide whether you'll allow it through or not." Those of us who have the Holy Spirit within, we have been given the power of a transformed mind and can have a renewed mind each day. What a glorious gift.
I believe the Lord in heaven is the original psychologist. Nothing is new under the sun. When hearts and minds turn back to their creator and understand that He is the one with all the knowledge, power, purpose and strength that we need to carry on, they are transformed. Why must we continue through our days, on our own. Why must we be so caught up in distractions and quick hits, pushing ourselves to exhaustion. Our good Father is only asking us to come, be with Him.
Would you take a deep breath with me? Feel the breath fill you, then exhale all the things that have built up in your mind, hands, heart. Can you feel your clenched jaw or hands? Are you trying to control something? Let's open our hands slowly. Now place your hands palms up. Can we let the Lord take those things? Surrender is hard, but I have found the more I do it, the more comfort I find in the one who can shoulder everything much better than I.
The first layer of elements on an exploratory canvas, in preperation to start the new collection: